You'd think that things would be different now... You'd think that all this noise... all these crowds... all this busyness... would displace the void... But no... You'd think that with all the explanations...we would understand... You'd think that with all the analyses...we would disembowel the ad-nauseam of our lack of grasp...
You'd think that the blank in your mind... and the tightness in your chest would be relieved by the wordiness of our soothsayers... But here we are...still aiding suicides and killing babies while we continue the dance of a numbing amoralism...
And I wanted to say something that would help...but can think of nothing new... and have decided not to add to the meaninglessness that clutters our vacant lifescape... There is nothing new...not under the sun... And so we continue to hurt with our pains...rising and falling with our joys and our sorrows... We feel...but know not. We look...but see not. We hear...and are only more confused than before... Wondering all the while how we may arrive at that magic formula that will cure...once and for all...the lameness that corrodes the fibers of our souls... that grand "Aha!" that will unclog our ears... open our eyes... undo the tightness in the pit of our stomachs... fill the void which is the black hole of our existence... and return us to the true joy we imagine is the reason for our being...
"If wishes were horses..." we say... And if they were our dreams would be equestrian nightmares...an eternal stumbling over the obstacle course which is our life... And we would finally wake up to find that:
The empty spaces... in our lives...
That we try to fill...
The permeating pains of our strife...
For which we take a pill...
Are symptoms only...of a malady...
That will not soon be healed...
Till we understand the parody...
Of a disconnected will...
And so... In this solemn moment... I break... And I shake... For no definable reason...or none that I can give... I just weep to relieve the tightness in my chest... To undo the constrictions of the bones of my skull... To unwrinkle my brow...The river pent up in me runs free... It washes away my heaped brokenness...the mounting debris of my stress fractures... It clears the course of my way...unclogging the vital drains of a life backed up... So that I...can breathe again... Deep passionate breaths that bring new winds to the wings of my being...and a distinct refreshment to the stale chambers of my heart...
And as I inhale again and again...that vital element of fire... I burn...and burn...with strength restored...hope renewed...and a will constrained... And with each new breath...I sing softly...a new song...an anthem of regeneration... And "I love you" shall no longer mean that you must die... So that I...can feel...that I am alive... That I... Am alive.
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