Excerpt from the book 'Of Scattered Seed and Broken Souls' by Roy Alexander Graham
Into the dark I venture…
Knowing and unknowing mixed…
I walk the trails... Of truth unknown
Approaching with uncommon daring
Facts uncomfortable and others…
This is a slow journey
Since I must face the suspicions…and trials… Of my alter egos…
Who…with haste…dares… Approach with that certain longing…
The many faces of self… Made ugly by the judgments of experience…
Into the night I go…
Baring the chest of my conscience
With praises…and with curses… I move loudly forward in a bid to disguise my fears…
Who can carry the weight…so unbearable
Of the basket of opposites…without complaint…
Not I or you... And so I walk…one step predicated by the step before…
Progress validated by experience
I only know what I have known
And what the hell was that ... I keep asking myself…
Such are my reflections…
I keep the company of my thoughts… As I venture further…
I see myself at times wearing the faces necessitated by circumstance.
Awkward masks… I have well known the discomfitures of shame and praise…
Deserved and undeserved…
I travel on…changing faces as needs be…
I cherish my rationalizations…
I need them to survive this dark road… With all its scares
I look deep into myself…
Seeing past the light in me through to my necessary dark self…
And if you recognize…if you can know both…you will understand how to be just…like a scale… I tell myself.
Beyond my fears I venture…
To the shadowy places which are my secrets…
I come here mostly alone…
Or with a few who know…are intimate…
With the realities of doing what must be done
Having embraced that dynamic oppositeness that reestablishes balance…
No fear…no fault…no guilt…just one…
And reconciled to the factualities of being…
No wins…no losses…no tripping…
Just the journey…and rest…and the next fate
Up hills…challenging heights that test my resolve…
Around corners that limit my view…
Down steepened grades…I struggle
Maintaining my balance over uneven surfaces…
This path…that is our experience…
Gets no easier…but I... I get harder…stronger…more versatile…
I become what I must... to overcome the many obstacles
That are present on my way to that place above it all
Where I see most clearly... The circumstances that would trap me
In the low places of despair…
Out of the dark I come
With a clarity that challenges every circumstance…
I do not require the mountains to move
For there is much to be gained on the journey up…
And there is joy up here
That I only knew as echoes in the valley…
Up here…on this peak
I stand above every undulation…
And learn to hear myself in ways vastly different than before…
I learn to trust my voice
As shout after shout…
I declare my resolve to be the master of every choice I make…
Bouncing my words around…
I dare every challenge that once shook me…
To stand again and be crushed…
For I have faced myself with truth
And have come to know that there is indeed nothing to fear…
I…have destroyed the final blasphemy
And have known the restoration of being... In the image of the Creator…
Today I speak…needing no crutch…
For I shall stand or fall... According to the measure of my courage…Or my fear
It has been a tedious journey
But I have come to know my joys and my sorrows…
My hopes and my dreams…
My encouragements and my despairs…
As mine…mine alone…
I blame no one…and own no blame…
We live…and we learn…
'Of Scattered Seed and Broken Souls' available on Amazon Kindle
'Of Scattered Seed and Broken Souls' available on Apple iBooks
'Of Scattered Seed and Broken Souls' available on Barnes & Noble Nook
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